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When Saving the Planet Means Killing the Lights

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The following article, When Saving the Planet Means Killing the Lights, was first published on The Black Sphere.

Congratulations to Portugal and Spain for achieving Net Zero today – Zero emissions, Zero electricity, Zero explanations!

Yes, Spain and Portugal finally did it. They kicked oil and coal to the curb like a toxic ex. Then they ran off into the arms of windmills and solar panels, whispering sweet nothings about sustainability and carbon footprints. And now they’re sitting in the dark.

Romantic, right?

It’s like watching two vegans get iron deficiency together. But hey, at least the vibes are clean.

Virtue-signaling Spain and Portugal told us, “We’re going green!” And the planet replied, “Cool. Have fun freezing.”

Because here’s the dirty little secret about “clean” energy: it’s not that clean, as the dirt got exported.

Out of sight, out of mind. Most of these countries are like that one guy at the gym who posts #fitnessgoals but eats Cheetos in bed at midnight. Looks green on Instagram, but the guts are still powered by diesel.

Let’s talk wind turbines—those majestic spinning hulks of hope. Built with rare earth metals mined in… guess where? Not Spain. Not Portugal. Usually somewhere that involves child labor, environmental devastation, and a guy named Mbuku sweating next to a diesel generator.

And the best part? They call them “bird killers.” That’s not satire. That’s what environmentalists call them. Because what’s greener than dicing up eagles in a spinning death blender? The turbines are out here doing what cats only dream of.

Then there’s solar panels.

Sexy, right? Silent, shiny, glistening in the sun like Greta Thunberg’s halo. But solar panels require rare minerals, massive mining operations. Want more American Leftist hypocrisy? Most solar panels are manufactured in China, where the emissions are measured in “smoke you can taste.”

Meanwhile, the people in Portugal are standing by their electric stoves wondering, “Why isn’t it working?” Because your power grid runs on unicorn farts now, Santiago.

You know how you know the green dream is fake? Look at any EV charging station. Pull back the camera just one frame and there’s always some diesel-powered generator in the background coughing out fumes like it just smoked a pack of Camels. It’s like saying you’re sober while hiding vodka in your protein shake.

It’s hypocrisy powered by a lithium battery.

Remember when oil was evil because it was harvested by “killing the whales”? Then we started using oil fromthe ground instead of whale blubber… and saved the whales.

But now oil is evil again, because—wait for it—it might hurt the climate. So who gives a flunk about the whales, when we have a planet to save. So we saved them just to cancel them later? Poor Moby Dick is like, “Bro, I died for your sins.”

I say to environmentalists, “See the whales!” They were the original climate refugees. Floating around, dodging harpoons like Matrix characters until we invented kerosene. You know what kerosene is? Dirty oil! That filthy, life-saving substance that let whales retire in peace. But go ahead, fire up your forest biomass plant and call it “carbon neutral.” Because nothing screams progress like burning trees to save the air.

And Spain and Portugal bought all this hype like it was a timeshare in the Sahara.

They signed up for the full package: no oil, no coal, no common sense. Now their power grids are more fragile than a TikTok activist at a history lecture.

You know it’s bad when people are rooting for a cloudy day not to have solar panels overload the grid. Because it turns out “renewable” energy is like that flaky friend who only shows up when the weather’s perfect.

They say, “Well, we’ll just store the energy!” Oh really? With what? Your cousin’s iPhone battery?

You ever see a solar-powered hospital? No. Because when it comes to actual life-or-death situations, nobody’s betting on a sunny forecast.

Meanwhile, Portugal is out here proudly declaring, “We’ve gone 100% green!” while importing electricity from France like a broke college kid stealing Wi-Fi from Starbucks.

What did you think was going to happen? You can’t run a modern civilization on “vibes” and weather-dependent power. What’s next? National Defense powered by bicycle pedals and clapping?

I can see it now: Spain goes to war, and the Air Force is grounded because the forecast said “partly cloudy with a chance of surrender.”

And the shift back? Oh, it’s coming.

Because when people can’t cook, can’t heat their homes, can’t watch their soap operas… even the wokest virtue signaler will be out there striking matches and whispering apologies to ExxonMobil.

Spain will come crawling back to oil like an ex sliding into DMs at 2am: “Hey… you up? I miss the heat.”

They’ll frame it as “temporary energy stabilization measures” or “a diversified grid strategy.” But we’ll know. We’ll all know. It’ll be the energy version of a walk of shame—with soot on their face and a Tesla running off coal-fired backup.

And let’s be real, there’s a limit to hypocrisy. When the Wi-Fi goes out and people can’t post how virtuous they are about saving the planet, what’s the point? If you can’t share your solar-powered smoothie selfie, did the smoothie even happen?

These countries are learning the hard way that “clean” doesn’t mean “functional.” That running a country isn’t the same as running a charity Instagram page. And that no matter how much you love the planet, the planet isn’t sending you backup power.

So I say, let them go dark for a while. Let them meditate by candlelight, feel the love of Mother Earth, and listen to the sound of wind turbines whooshing in the distance while their refrigerator spoils their oat milk.

Eventually, they’ll come back. Dirty, guilty, warm… but back.

Because modern life isn’t powered by dreams and daisies—it’s powered by energy. Real energy. And like it or not, that includes the stuff you have to dig up, drill for, and sometimes burn.

And until the day we figure out how to run a country on smugness alone… maybe keep that diesel generator handy.

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