The following article, A Million and Counting, was first published on The Black Sphere.

Imagine waking up to find that your convict cousin you let stay “a few days”, packed up and left your apartment (after six months).

What a sigh of relief. So what he took the $42 you left on the coffee table after paying for pizza the night before It’s a small price to pay to finally be rid of the uninvited but desperate family member.

The same is true for America’s uninvited guests who are now politely excusing themselves, bags packed, and waving a crisp $1,000 farewell check. No, this isn’t the plot of a quirky indie flick—it’s the reality of America in 2025, where the self-deportation express is running full steam.

In a plot twist even M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t dream up, nearly a million undocumented immigrants have voluntarily left the United States since January, driven by a federal campaign that’s part carrot, part stick, and all business.

“Nearly 1 million undocumented immigrants have voluntarily left the United States since Donald Trump returned to office in January 2025,” reports NewsBreak, “driven by a federal campaign that promotes self-deportation as a preferred alternative to costly enforcement operations.”

Let’s rewind. Just a few months ago, the chatter was about 200,000 self-deportations—a respectable start, but a mere splash in the ocean of an estimated 15.4 million undocumented immigrants.

Note the Center for Immigration Studies pegs that number as a 50% jump from the pre-Trump era. The Obama and Biden years, critics argue, turned the border into a revolving door with a “Welcome” mat, letting millions waltz in while congressional mandates gathered dust. But now, the music’s changed, and the dance floor’s emptying out.

President Donald Trump, never one for subtlety, cranked the deportation dial from 650 arrests a day to a bold 3,000, aiming for a million removals a year. At that pace, he’d chip away at the problem. However, self-deportation has supercharged the numbers.

By May, The Washington Post noted ‘a million foreign-born workers’ had disappeared from the U.S. labor force since March, and the economic ripples are already tickling wallets. Average hourly wages climbed 0.4% to $36.24, outpacing inflation and giving American workers a little extra jingle in their pockets.

So, what’s behind this mass exodus?

It’s not just ICE agents flexing their handcuffs (though they’re plenty busy, with arrests spiking to 2,000 a day in June). Trump’s team has rolled out a dual-track strategy that’s as clever as a fox in a henhouse. Track one: prioritize criminal arrests—the “worst first” approach that sends felons packing. Track two: a softer, sneakier push for voluntary departure, complete with TV ads, online campaigns, and a $1,000 “exit bonus” that’s cheaper than the $17,100 it costs to deport someone the old-fashioned way. The Department of Homeland Security, led by Kristi Noem and “border czar” Tom Homan, has turned the CBP Home app into a one-way ticket machine, letting migrants notify the government of their exit plans with a tap. It’s like Uber for deportation, minus the surge pricing.

But don’t let the incentives fool you—this is no warm hug goodbye. The messaging is clear: leave now, or face detention, reentry bans, and a one-way trip to family separation city.

“TV ads and online campaigns emphasize the benefits of voluntary departure, warning that failure to comply could mean detention, years-long reentry bans, and forced separation from family and community,” notes NewsBreak.

It’s a psychological jab that’s got migrants rethinking their American dream faster than you can say “coyote refund policy.”

The same folks who paid coyotes up to $15,000 to sneak across the border are now clutching a government-issued $1,000 check to go back home. That’s like spending a fortune on a VIP ticket to a concert, only to be handed a bus pass to leave before the show starts.

Immigrant advocacy groups cry foul over the “fear and instability” this creates…for illegals.

“Critics argue the approach creates fear and instability. Immigrant advocacy groups warn of under-the-radar targeting, while others point out that $1,000 is a poor consolation for lives uprooted,” NewsBreak reports.

Fear? Instability? Try the fear of American taxpayers footing a $150 billion annual bill for illegal immigration, or the instability of a labor market flooded with cheap labor. Or what about the fear and instability for Laken Riley? Or the untold numbers of Americans who fall victim to the many criminals among these illegals.

The real comedy gold lies with the employers who’ve been gaming the system for years.

Construction sites and other illegal-heavy businesses are suddenly quieter—not because it’s siesta time, but because undocumented workers are scarce.

Employers are whining that Americans “don’t want these jobs,” but let’s call it what it is: a tantrum over losing their cheap labor loophole. Trump’s not just targeting migrants; he’s got his sights on the bosses who hire them. ICE is ramping up worksite audits, slapping fines, and making CEOs sweat. [begin] “ICE has ramped up arrests broadly… arresting workers while delivering employers with inspection notices,” [end] The Washington Post notes. The message? Hire legally, or prepare to pay more than just your lawyer’s retainer.

Democrats, meanwhile, are in a pickle. Their old line—“Americans won’t do these jobs”—is crumbling as wages rise and citizens step up. The labor market’s tightening, and the “weakening labor supply” spin from some analysts is starting to sound like a desperate plea for open borders. Sorry, folks, but the new America doesn’t roll out the red carpet for rule-breakers. It’s a country where laws aren’t suggestions, and the welcome sign comes with a background check.

Of course, the sob stories persist.

Advocates want you to believe $1,000 isn’t enough to restart a life back home. But let’s get real: these are folks who navigated cartels, deserts, and bureaucracy to get here. They’ve got support systems in their home countries, and $1,000 is more than enough to catch a bus, not a bullet. The U.N.’s International Organization for Migration is even helping with “safe and dignified” returns, ensuring no one’s left stranded.

This isn’t cruelty—it’s clarity. For too long, America’s been the world’s doormat, expected to solve everyone’s problems while ignoring its own. Trump’s self-deportation strategy is a wake-up call: legal entry is the only path to the American dream. Over the next four years, expect more of this—more exits, more enforcement, and more employers learning that “humanitarianism” doesn’t mean exploiting cheap labor.

As the million-mark milestone proves, the great American checkout line is open, and it’s moving fast. Illegals have awakened to a new reality: follow the rules, or face the music. And for American workers? That music sounds a lot like a pay raise.

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