The following article, Antifa: Will Work for Food, was first published on The Black Sphere.
You’ve seen the movies where parents come home from a long trip to find the teenager threw a rave that trashed the house?
Spilled punch on the carpet, a mysterious hole in the drywall, and the place smells like regret and patchouli.
Well, in that moment you don’t negotiate with the young anarchists. You simply take away the keys to their Beamer, ground them for a decade, and make them clean up the mess.
Welcome to America, 2025.
For the past four years, the Democrats left the country in the hands of the woke, the weak, and the willfully destructive. Cities like Portland became their unsupervised frat house, where the party never stopped and the bill was always paid by the taxpayers. Then the parents came home.
President Donald Trump, against every odd the media could manufacture, is back in the White House. And he’s sending in the National Guard with mops, bleach, and a zero-tolerance policy for nonsense to supervise the clean-up by the vandals.
The left’s summer of love is officially over.
The seasonal employment for window-smashing, Tesla-burning “activists” has been terminated. Call it the Great Antifa Layoff.
Let’s rewind the tape to the horror show Democrats swore was just a conservative fever dream. Remember when they told us Antifa was a “myth,” a boogeyman invented by Fox News? They looked straight into the camera, with cities burning behind them, and insisted it was “mostly peaceful protests.” It was a masterclass in gaslighting. Arson was reclassified as “fiery but mostly peaceful discourse,” and looting was just “urgent, unscheduled wealth redistribution.”
But Trump, in his first weeks back, decided to make a lie out of their entire narrative. He found their mythical Antifa, alright—hiding in mom’s basement, surrounded by tactical gear from Amazon, molotov cocktails made from Starbucks bottles, and a well-thumbed copy of the “Anarchist’s Cookbook” they checked out from the public library. The jig is up. The Biden Administration treated these domestic terrorists like a misunderstood book club; the Trump Administration is treating them like what they are: a terrorist enterprise.
The first domino to fall was the financial one.
With the swift designation of Antifa as a terrorist organization, the game changed overnight. The so-called “bail funds” that acted as a revolving door for these goons? Drier than the unwashed dreadlocks of a philosophy major who’s been “reimagining society” in an occupied police precinct. Millions in dark money from shady benefactors ghosted these groups faster than a Tinder date spotting a “MAGA” tattoo. The funding pipeline was cut, and the revolution discovered it doesn’t run on good intentions alone.
So, what happens when you defund the fantasy? Reality comes knocking with a job application.
At some point, Portland businesses will be flooded with the most creatively written resumes employers have ever seen. Under “Professional Experience,” you’ll find entries like:
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“Urban Renewal Specialist” (Responsibilities: Deconstructing capitalist infrastructure via crowbar.)
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“Autonomous Zone Consultant” (Achievements: Successfully established a no-go zone, resulting in a 100% increase in local hypodermic needle art.)
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“Social Justice Performance Artist” (Skills: Advanced screaming, proficient in throwing milkshakes and full paint cans.)
The most-asked interview question in the Pacific Northwest right now is: “Can you explain this four-year gap in your employment where you were ‘reimagining society’?” Good luck with that, Chad.
The scene on the ground is a spectacle of poetic justice.
The same Starbucks these militants tried to burn down are now being asked to hire them. There’s a certain cosmic humor in a former barricade-setter now asking, “Do you want room for oat milk in your latte? Hold the revolution, please.”
You’ll find ex-Antifa members protesting capitalism from the drive-thru window, their dreams of dismantling the state now subordinate to the corporate policy on beard nets.
Back in their former “autonomous collective” (previously known as their mom’s basement), the arguments have shifted from post-Marxist theory to who’s turn it is to do the dishes. The tactical gear has been traded for a sensible apron. The only thing being seized now is the last vegan corn dog from the freezer.
And let’s talk about Portland’s miraculous transformation. For years, Democrats pretended it wasn’t a crime-infested, Third-World-style hellscape. They normalized the chaos, called it “vibrant,” and blamed any problems on climate change or systemic whiteness. Now, with law, order, and basic sanitation restored, the city is becoming… normal. Dull, even. The most rebellious act in the new Portland is to start a small business. The real anarchists are the ones applying for a permit to build a deck. I’m half-expecting a former militant to be cited for having a lawn gnome that’s two inches into the public easement.
This is the ultimate Trump play: he doesn’t just win arguments, he makes them irrelevant by fixing the problem. Democrats said the border was a permanent crisis and “nothing can be done.” He closed it. They said DC was just a bustling metropolis; he cleaned it up, making it inhabitable for citizens who don’t enjoy stepping over human feces on their way to work. He went to Memphis to prove (again) that common-sense policing actually drops crime rates. Shocking, I know.
And now, Portland.
He’s turning blue cities into beige suburbs, one troop drop at a time. And the best part? The Democrats are left sputtering, completely disoriented. Their entire political brand is built on perpetuating problems to campaign on them. They’re waking up to the horrifying news that Trump, the “criminal,” is… fixing their mess? Their brains are short-circuiting. The only response they can muster is, “But who is going to get to damage the Teslas?!”
They’re like stage magicians whose entire act has been exposed. The smoke, the mirrors, the cries of “racist!” and “fascist!”—it doesn’t work when the audience can finally see clearly. Trump sending troops to Portland was open mic night for sanity, and the American people are the ones laughing.
So, my advice? Buy up property in Portland. Trump is about to cause the most unlikely real-estate boom in history. As for the former members of Antifa, cue the group therapy circle:
“Hi, I’m Kyle. I used to smash windows for social justice. Now I smash the ‘like’ button on LinkedIn, hoping someone will hire me.”
They fought the law, and for the first time in a long time, the law won. And America is getting its house back.
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